Thursday, April 20, 2017

The mobile phone dilemma

Note: This article is an adapted version of the original, which was written for and appeared on Digital News Asia. Note too that this is a rather long piece. However, if you'd like to find out more about the dilemma we're facing regarding mobile phones, read on! :)

Oh yes, we’re settling into Primary One quite comfortably. EV looks like she has made the transition rather smoothly, taking the longer hours and bigger classes in her stride. I must proclaim - I’m so proud of her!!

Her primary school has a ‘no mobile phone’ policy, and they do encourage the students to stick to it. I’m glad for the school’s position, though I do know of some parents who allow their young kids, even those in lower primary, to bring mobile phones to school. Already, I have heard of at least one case where the student lost the phone.

EV and I have spoken about this too. She knows that she is still too young to handle a mobile phone, and she is aware of the dangers of carrying such an expensive item around. Yes, I’m glad that she has not requested for a mobile phone of her own, because I think that without the phone, she will be able to discover more of the world around her.

Having grown up experiencing the lack of the wonders of the World Wide Web, I can confidently say that I have been lucky to have enjoyed the joys that this lack brings. My generation climbed drains and went in search of insects, exploring the great outdoors in the most messy way possible. We played electronic games too, but these were simple, two-dimensional ones that still keep us feeling nostalgic for them. 

Our way of communication was basic. I remember being mesmerised by the rotary dial telephone as a child, watching the dial finish its round before turning the next number again. It trained our patience. Then the keypad telephone came about, and the ability to do call waiting and three-way conference call with three of my friends was just so cool, then. I spent the whole night chatting, much to the frustration of my parents.

The first affordable mobile phone was a zone phone which, as the name suggests, allowed one to use it only in a particular area. By that time, I was well into adulthood, and I could decide to get one for myself.

My generation didn’t have mobile phones till we were much older.

Today’s generation, however, is the digital generation. A generation that is growing up with increasing mobility, advanced technology, touch screens, the ease that Internet brings and, of course, social media.

Unlike parents of yonder days, today’s parents face two ubiquitous questions - should they allow their children to own mobile phones? If so, how old should a child be?

As parents of young children, one who has just entered formal education this year, my husband and me are well aware of the situation, and the difficulty we will face in making a decision. And we are aware that it will be just a matter of time before our older child starts to feel the peer pressure, and ask us for a mobile phone. Fortunately, we can use the school’s policy to put any such requests off, but we do know that it is something we have to address. It is not a matter of whether we will address it, but when.

Like many like-minded parents, we have deliberated over the pros and cons of giving our children mobile phones, and also at what age we should do so. We have not come to an agreement. Why not?

Mobile phone ownership should be as late as possible

Better eye health
One of the key reasons I limit my kids’ screen time to one hour per day, whether it is the TV or mobile phone or tablet, is because of their eyes. Research has shown that too much screen time can cause digital eye strain and potentially increase the chances of myopia. More than that, how the kids sit during their screen time is also important as it can affect their spines and postures in the long run. There is also the possibility of obesity if they sit for long periods of time engaged with the screen. As their parent, it is my duty to protect their health, guide them in understanding the reasons for limiting screen time (which directly means less time to watch their favourite cartoons), and teach them to take care of their own health.

Decrease distraction, increase focus 
While the research into the long term effects of extended amounts of screen time on children’s development may not be extensive, there is some indication that there is a relation between the two. And I’m not taking any chances. Enough research has been done to show that exposure to screen-based activities do have an effect on brain chemistry; it increases dopamine levels and makes the user want more. Already in 1998, research demonstrated a conclusive link between video games and higher dopamine levels. 

Just look at us adults now. Mobile devices have a powerful effect on us. They have the ability to distract us from other more important things, simply because we want more of them. The good thing is that we’ve lived in an era without mobile devices, so it is easier for us to break away.

The same cannot be said for kids who grow up surrounded by mobile devices. It is hard to pry them away from the mobile phones. Mobile phones become a constant distraction that they depend on, beating all other distractions that may be around the kids. 

During the rare times when my kids get to play mobile devices, I’ve noticed that they are very focused, or seem to be. Some might argue that this proves that mobile phones, and screens, do not distract kids; in fact, they help develop a child’s focus. 

However, the irony of it is that the child is only focused on what’s happening on the screen. This does not necessarily translate to having the ability to focus on other activities. An article by The New York Times has even suggested that too much screen time may be linked to attention deficit disorder.   

As an educator, I’ve seen young children totally focused on their mobile phones, but absolutely oblivious to whatever is happening around them. I’ve seen them eagerly pick up their phones to play games and whatnot, but totally unable to focus on their work. The mobile phone becomes a distraction from other activities that young children should be engaged in at their age, like going outdoors. 

So to manage that distraction, we parents have to control exposure to such devices when the kids are young, and to delay individual ownership as long as possible. 


Encourage face-to-face interaction
A recent research by the University of California showed that kids who have little access to technology were better at reading their friends’ facial and non-verbal emotional cues than those who used mobile devices more regularly. The latter group had less face-to-face interaction, and hence did not display the necessary skills to read human emotions. 

It is clear to parents what this means: for a young kid learn human interaction, face-to-face time is crucial. Mobile devices rob the kids of that, and as a result, could have a detrimental effect on their ability to communicate when they grow up. For me, I want my kids to be comfortable communicating face-to-face and from behind the screen, so managing their screen time is the way to go.

Develop the ability to be ‘alone’
Very often, I’ve seen kids in school take out their mobile devices the moment they are out from lessons, or the moment they are alone. They cannot be without their mobile devices. This over-reliance is worrying, and could develop into an addiction that affects their grades. 

In fact, in 2013, the American Psychiatric Association had listed ‘Internet Gaming Disorder’ to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5®) and recommended further research. Although this does not cover the general use of Internet or social media, the fact that Internet gaming, which many people are engaged in thanks to the prevalence of apps on mobile devices, is being recognised as a possible mental disorder and addiction shows that the medical professionals are increasingly worried about the potential effects mobile devices have on our society. It is our view that it will be a matter of time before the effect of general internet and social media use on mental health will be recognised.

Recognising this trend, and having seen for myself the difficulty young children have in disengaging themselves from mobile devices to be truly alone, I’m even more certain in delaying my kids’ mobile phone ownership for as long as possible. They need to learn not to depend on mobile devices to keep themselves busy, and to be able to search out other activities such as reading to broaden their minds.

Privacy & cyberbullying
I want to protect my kids’ privacy. I don’t want them to foolishly post something online that they would later regret. I want to protect them from being bullied in cyberspace. 
Well, why don’t I teach them not to reveal their personal data online, teach them to think before they post, teach them how to spot if someone is bullying them online and teach them not to spread rumours or gossip about their friends. That would be the most logical way to approach this, my husband would say. After all, how can we stop them from not owning a mobile phone, in today’s world?

Sure, I agree, it’s important to educate my kids about this online form of abuse as they will be exposed to such realities sooner or later. However, like any other parent, I would like to protect them from these realities for as long as possible. Besides, once they go online, they may not be willing to share their activities honestly. So again, I think mobile phone ownership should be as late as possible. Never, if I can have it my way.

It’s ok to own a mobile phone. They have to sooner or later anyway
This is pretty much my husband’s position. Health and focus issues aside, he feels there are ways to manage the children when they own mobile devices, when they come of age, whatever that age is. In many ways, I do see the rationale of his points. 

Use as a support
In times of need, kids with mobile phones can quickly reach call out for help, get transport home, do a quick search to learn a new fact, and even pay for meals. It is about the use of a device to support one’s daily activities in life and not be zombified by it. It is about balancing the usage, knowing what and when a mobile device should be used for. By educating kids about this, the mobile phone can actually be a very useful support tool. 

Use as a tracking device
Just the other day, when we were having one of our several discussions over this, my husband highlighted that his friend used the mobile phone to track his daughter, and caught his daughter lying about her whereabouts. Instead of being home, as she claimed she was, the daughter was hanging out at a fast food restaurant. 

His view is that, the mobile phone brings with it many technologies which allow parents to manage their children, including using it as a tracking device. It ensures their safety, and if they get caught lying about their whereabouts, then it becomes a lesson about being responsible and truthful to earn the trust of your loved ones. If they want parents to trust them with the privacy they deserve, then they need to work towards earning it.

Use a parental app
Another technology is parental apps, which parents can use to monitor all incoming messages, photos, internet usage, social media posts and so on, and protect the kids’ privacy.
Living in a world where kids are digital natives, parents are left with no choice but to adapt and assimilate, and to find ways to manage. 

My husband and I are still undecided about whether to give our kids mobile phones, and when we should do it. At the moment, we feel they are both too young to own one, but we are aware that the situation will change. They may very soon be surrounded by peers who own mobile phones, and may end up being the only ones who don’t. 

I know that it’s just a matter of time before they remind me daily that ‘I’m the only one without a smartphone. All my friends own one, why can’t I?’

If I do decide to give my children mobile phones, that decision will hinge very much on their maturity level and responsibility. Of course, ownership comes with responsibilities and conditions such as signing a contract to not go over the set number of messages and call time and having a parental app installed to monitor usage.

It is only through this way that parents in a technologically advanced world can protect their children.
However, till I have to make that decision, I’m not afraid to be a dinosaur, and delay getting my kids mobile phones for as long as possible, even if they don’t like me for it.

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Thursday, December 22, 2016

Primary Prep - essential items to prepare for the big day

My oh my oh my…. It’s exactly 12 days to the start of school. Exactly 12 days before EV starts her Primary One journey! Panic mode! 

Well, I think this mummy is more anxious than panic. Anxious because her little baby is growing up too fast, as I had shared here and here.

Anyhow, what has to come has to come, and I’ve been busy preparing her for the new journey, preparing her room and getting all her things prepared.

Here’s a list of what I’m putting together.

Ergonomic backpack
So every backpack claims to be ergonomic, but I think the real test is when books are in and the kid has to carry it around. While buying this, we had a few backpacks in mind. I stuffed several books inside and got EV to carry the various backpacks around. Doing this actually emulates the actual weight that EV might have to carry when she heads to school, and in my opinion, is a better gauge of how ergonomic the backpack is and how comfortable it is to carry. 

Backpack 1

EV decided on the backpack with a better lumbar support and is more comfortable to her lower back. And of course, she chose pink, because they didn’t have purple.

Backpack 2

Easy to open pencil box
Pencils & erasers, with additional for standby
Sharpener & ruler
An easy to open pencil box is, in my opinion, quite important. On one hand, the box (in our case, it’s more like a pouch) needs to be secure enough such that the things inside don’t drop out easily. On the other hand, it needs to be able to be opened wide enough, so that it’s easy for the kid to reach in and search for what she needs. And on top of that, it has to be extremely light, so it doesn’t add unnecessary weight to her back pack.

Pencil box

Pencils and erasers, sharpener and ruler. I selected a sharpener with a simpler and flatter design, so that it’s easy to fit into her pencil box. Extra pencils and erasers are always good, as I foresee many misplaced ones.

Pencil caps
This is to put over the pencils, so they don’t stain the pencil box. I foresee this item being misplaced quite often too, so I got them from Daiso. $2 for a pack of 18. Very good value.

Pencil Cap

Wallet or coin pouch
Some recommend getting a wallet in the kid’s favourite character. I’ve tried looking for one, but none of the designs seem suitable. I mean, all have slots for notes and cards, but really tiny coin pouches. 

Purse 1

At Primary One, I think the kid might need something with a bigger coin pouch. So, we opted for a coin pouch from Daiso instead. EV chose this one. It’s big enough for coins with a separate compartment for putting notes. But importantly, it can open wide so it’s easy for her to search for her coins, rather than keep digging for it.

Purse 2

Drawstring bags or plastic zipper pouches
Sometimes, the kid might have to go to a different classroom for a particular lesson. So instead of her having to search for that subject’s books in her bags, respective subject books can be put into various drawstring bags or plastic zipper pouches. The bags or pouches can be colour coded, so she just picks the correct bag or pouch for that subject and her pencil box and go.

Drawstring bag

Zip folder

Small notebook
Some schools provide journal, some don’t. Whatever it is, a small notebook is useful to let the kid take down homework, or teacher’s instructions. The good old small blue ones are light and handy, which can be bought from Popular for just under $3 for a pack of 10.

Notebooks

Plastic wrappers and name labels for school books
I think this is quite important to help identify belongings, which can be easily misplaced, and for protecting the books.

Hair accessories
In the permitted school colours. Otherwise, just keep to black, which is an extremely safe colour. I also got black hair pins, to keep stray hairs at bay.

Hair 2

Water bottles, at least one on standby
This is another item that can get lost easily, so we have one on standby. Both are labelled with the kid’s name and class very clearly.

Analog watch
This is helpful in honing the kid’s time telling skills. One that also shows the time in digital format is beneficial too.

Lunch box
One that’s light and not too bulky is a good choice, because the last thing we want to do is to add unnecessary weight to the kid’s bag.

A good pair of white shoes, at least one on standby
A comfortable, light, easy to wash pair of white shoes is what we opted for. We are also going to buy another one before the holidays end, just to be on the safe side.

If you have a child heading to Primary One next year, I hope this list is helpful. Fret not! There are still 12 days to prepare!

If you have any other tips on what to prepare for Primary One, do share!

Do check out our earlier Primary Prep Series, and do stay tuned for more.



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Tuesday, December 20, 2016

5 Cooking tips for quick and no-fuss meals (when the babysitters are away)

December is usually the time when I clear my leave, so I can spend more time with the kids. We didn’t plan any long extended trip this year, just a short getaway to Malacca. The rest of the time, I sent EV and AA for inline skating and Mandarin speech & drama lessons at community centres, where such lessons are priced more economically. 

This is also usually the time when the usual babysitters who look after EV and AA while I’m at work take their break. So for the last couple of weeks, I’ve been solo parenting throughout the day, until DaddySay returns home from work in the early to late evening. 

I must say that I enjoy this hectic experience, of being able to be with the kids the whole day, caring for them, cooking for them, guiding them in their work and play, guiding them in little ways to be independent, and do the housework.

Here, I’d like to share some cooking tips, which I felt have been helpful.

Plan ahead and get the ingredients early
I try to make sure that think ahead and plan what to cook, at least one day before. I’d check that I have the necessary ingredients. If I don’t, I’d bring the kids with me to the nearby wet market, or plan a lunch date with the kids to the nearest mall to dine and visit the supermarket. 

Sometimes, I try to use the same ingredient for two meals. For example, I used a 600g piece of pork loin for two meals. Half of it, I sliced and stir fried with vegetables for dinner, and the other half, I cut into cubes for fried rice the next day. I prepared everything beforehand, and so on the day when I cooked fried rice, it was extremely convenient as I only needed to take the marinated cut meat out of the fridge, and then I could begin cooking.

Two meats  TM

Defrost frozen meat the night before
Planning early also means that if frozen meat is being used, then it can be taken out the night before and set to defrost in room temperature. Then I can get up the next morning before the kids awake, and start the preparations early.

Prepare the ingredients and marinate the meat early
I usually cut and marinate the meat in the morning after the meat has defrosted. Or if I had bought the meat the day before, then I would have prepared the meat the night before. This allows the meat to be better marinated, and, I hope, better tasting once I cook it. :)

I also try to get vegetables that are easy and quick to prepare, such as broccoli, cauliflower, chinese cabbage and so on. I would cut them early too, and leave them aside. So when cooking time arrives, I just need to toss them into the wok. The only ingredient that I usually prepare just before cooking is garlic, which I prefer to dice finely.

Opt for quick cooking methods such as stir frying, steaming, braising and oven roasting
I didn’t try anything adventurous during this period. It is hard to, I guess, when I’m the only one minding the kids. I needed to use quick cooking methods so that I can attend to them immediately if the need arises. 

Get the kids to help
This is definitely a great idea. It inculcates in them a sense of duty, responsibility and empathy for the one who is cooking, but it also helps in their finger dexterity. It’s simply another form of play for them. Who doesn’t like to play with food? 

Preparing  TM

These simple tips have helped me to multitask, and made cooking meals more manageable. They allowed me to spend more quality time with the kids, instead of just putting them in front of a screen. I hope you will find them useful too.

Here are some of the dishes that I prepared, using the above tips.

Braised pork with egg and stir fried vegetables (chinese cabbage and broccoli)

1 Pork w egg  TM

Minced pork with button mushrooms and stir fried vegetables (cauliflower and snow peas)

2 Mince Pork  TM

Honey chicken wings with steamed broccoli

3 Honey chicken wings  TM

Stir fried lean pork with chinese cabbage and carrot

4 Sliced Pork  TM

Fried rice with edamame, diced pork, diced ‘lap cheong’ and egg

5 Fried Rice  TM

Stir fried diced pork with edamame and mushrooms

6 Edamame  TM

Cauliflower and tomato soup

6 Cauliflower soup  TM

Thank you for reading. If you have any cooking tips, do share!

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Friday, December 02, 2016

Primary Prep - inculcating life skills

My little big one is heading to Primary 1 officially in about a month’s time. As shared in this post, we had actually started preparing her early. Kiasu? Nah… more like worried parents who want their little darling to be mentally, emotionally and physically prepared. 

In our last post, we shared about inculcating values. Today, let us share a little about what we have done to inculcate life skills.

Establishing a routine and setting a timetable together
Establishing a routine is essential, and this is something that EV and I have been doing together for over a year now. I get her involved in planning out her activities for the day and for the week. Other than her designated school and homework time, she designates her free time with her favourite colour, pink. 

This, I tell her, is when she can have her ‘quiet time’, which has to come only after she has finished her homework, whether at our home, or at her grandfather’s home. She can do whatever she wants during this period, whether it’s read or play. 

The only activity that is not allowed is any activity that has to do with a screen. Yup, I keep quite a tight reign on my kids’ screen times. All for good reasons - to protect their eyes, to develop their focus and to encourage face-to-face communication. So usually, they either get no screen time, or they get about 30 minutes of screen time a day, the most. And by screen time, I mean anything that has a screen, TV and mobile included. 

P1 Timetable 2

This is an example of a timetable EV and I did together for this year. AA has his own version too. We usually do them on the computer using Excel, print it out, then put it up in a prominent place, for example her bedroom and the living room. So far, she’s been quite diligent to follow the timetable. Of course, she doesn’t always follow it exactly; there are days when she does slack a bit. However, overall, she has reached an understanding that she must do her homework first before she gets her ‘quiet time’. And that, I think, will put her in a good stead when she heads to formal education.

This month, we’ll have to work together to prepare her timetable for next year. I’m glad to say that she’s quite excited about it.

Managing money
‘Money money money, must be funny.’ Eh… not really. Not when you’re dealing with a little tiny being.

A while ago, DaddySay and I started discussing with EV about needs and wants, and guiding her in distinguishing what is a need and what is a want. We hope that with this knowledge, she can make wiser decisions when spending money, and not just do so without thinking.

Which brings us to an important part about managing money and making healthy money choices. Three key habits come to mind: saving for the future, sharing with others and having a spending plan.

P1 Money box

We have a coin box from Daiso with several slots. We allocated some slots for each day of the week; this is where the daily pocket money goes. Then there are two other slots for Saving and Sharing. 

When EV receives her pocket money, she decides how much she wants to save, how much she wants to set aside for charity. She is also asked how much she plans to spend. Through this, she learns to set aside a certain percentage of her pocket money for saving, sharing and spending.

At the same time, she also learns to plan for her spending, understanding how to compare her intended expenses to her available pocket money, thereby deciding whether what she wants to spend money on is a need or a want, and then finally deciding whether to spend the money.

Here are two resources which I’ve found useful in coming up with ideas to teach financial literacy to EV: Making Smart Money Choices and Budget Basics. Best part, they are free!

Telling Time
This is quite crucial, so that EV is aware of the value of time, and how much time she has spent on doing a particular activity. At home, we use the analog clock and the digital clock to teach her how to tell the time. 

P1 Time

We also use Kumon books to help her. These colourful books teach the skill of time telling step by step, with each step increasing in complexity. The activities are repetitive, so that the kids’ skills are honed well. I think that the fact that the graphics in the Kumon book are so colourful and well designed, it makes it more interesting for kids to do the activities. EV does like doing these activities and it boosts her confidence; she is usually  so motivated that she wants to do them again and again.

Packing her own stuff
This year, she had to bring her own pencil box and purse to school, as preparation for Primary 1. To teach her to take care of her own things, we also get her to arrange and tidy up her own study table every time she finishes doing her homework. She also has to clean up after herself every time she reads or plays during her quiet time.

In addition, she needs to pack her own bags. For our day to day outings, she has a little sling bag that she uses to put her water bottle, jacket and maybe a book or two. For our recent holiday, we got EV to think of what she needed for the trip, from clothes, to toiletries, to her own reading books. She gathered everything together, and then put them in her little back pack, which she needed to take responsibility of. 

Of course, there are a lot more life skills that EV needs to learn and hone as she grows up. These that I’ve listed here are just some basic crucial skills we think are important to help her in her Primary 1 journey. Definitely, DaddySay and myself will be there every step of the way to help her, in her Primary 1 journey and beyond.

Do check out our earlier Preparing for Primary One Series, and do stay tuned for more.


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Thank you for reading. If you like this post, please do connect with me on FacebookInstagram and Twitter, so I can share our fun adventures, thoughts and exploits with you.